listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
