wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
