I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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