A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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