Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
