dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
