tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
