OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
