I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
