Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
