We won't sleep together?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
