So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
