remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
