Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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