therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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