11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
