My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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