covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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