If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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