They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
