I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
