I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
