Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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