Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
