The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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