fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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