I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
