There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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