just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
