I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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