It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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