Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
