does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
