Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
