my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
