respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
