my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
