so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
