Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
