Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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