So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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