my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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