xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
