Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
