Will you blow on my dice?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
