your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
