I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
