dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
