Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
