Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
