i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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