Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
