u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
