I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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