never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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